nat raum

fraise sauvage

i was reared restless and mutated
to savage as clover patch strawberries
in the backyard—my parents lied
and said they were poisonous. i could

never be poisonous, never crooked-cored,
but once i turned venomous, there was
no halting it. i used venom like rationed
water: only when desperate. only when

he dug his barbs into flesh as yet
unblemished. only when he spoke
for the sole purpose of drawing blood,
gashes so deep they blurred

my vision and sent my fist colliding
with his temple, with the cartilage of an ear
that would ring for five minutes following
the onslaught of emotional damage.

it’s here i look back and realize this
will never go away. there will always be
a pipe wrench clamped around my guts.
when it tightens, i will always dole out

lashes with my tongue and maybe
my half-clenched fists. my first instinct
will always be ruinous. and it will be years
from this particular cataclysm before

i have words for this segment of my wiring—
the way the doctor says borderline implies
a transience, but i am rooted here. i am
the cracks in the soil. i am the coming flood.

nothing compares to a quiet evening alone¹


i’d like to slip back into rose-tinted
reverie when faced with the possibility
of forgetting you, your garnacha-stained
tongue as it slithers together with mine
in the quiet of a red room. i’d waste
away in the mirage before i cast aside
swaths of mist with my fingertips, pried
open bleary eyes and crust on lashes
to see you as everyone else does,
and i should but i’m too good at games;
once i’ve dug in my heels, i have to win.

______________________
¹ title is a lyric from the Paramore song “crushcrushcrush”

nat raum (b. 1996) is a disabled artist, writer, and genderless disaster from Baltimore, MD. They’re the editor-in-chief of fifth wheel press and the author of the abyss is staring back, you stupid slut, and several chapbooks and photography publications. Past publishers of their writing include Delicate Friend, Corporeal Lit, Stone of Madness Press, and ANMLY. Find them online: natraum.com/links.