Sloane Angelou

a letter to my grandmother

Nne'm,

Today we discovered we may have one or two or three tribal marks itching under our skin, we are not sure of the exact number. I  have decided we may have to see a face tattoo artist to help bring them to life on surface. 

How are you over there? Do you intend to come back in any form? Please offer me prayers we need them. Remember what I told you about my breasts and it's heaviness, I decided to do something about it. Today I thought about your words and how you reprimanded me each time with the gospel - whatever causes you to stumble my child cut it off, throw it away. I am taking your advice nnem, these breasts are too heavy. I am stumbling. 

We laid out a map for our body, the layouts involve a lot of tattoos, a couple of surgeries: I know how you felt about knives but the cutting is necessary, learning one or two languages for the tongue and letting the dreadlocks buried in the head grow. The plan is simple for now, we do not want to overdo it. We have also decided to teach the body how to swim but you know how much she likes water and we are worried the lesson will remind her of home - how do we prevent another drowning?, anyway this baptism might be necessary, if not how will we quench that fire that burns from existing here.

You taught me alot of things nnem, like my body is a temple. But, you forgot to tell me who will build it, me? I am tired of the work involved in human-ing already. Humans are strange and the human body is even stranger, imagine I picked up a smoking habit just when I stopped drinking that thing we spoke about. Whenever something dies another thing comes alive. Nnem, this human body is a stranger. A good host sometimes but still a stranger. What should I do?

I miss you dearly. You had the right answer for everything. Since you left I have had to consult all the people buried inside me more and more, sometimes they forget where we are and they give the worst advice. Imagine the other day asking me to bend my womb so some of them could be comfortable, can you imagine such a request in these hard times? sometimes they say the wrong things at the wrong time and the right things so awkwardly, giving me visions while I am eating and moving me to the future while I am asleep. Humans consider these things as madness mama, if they are not careful the world will say we are mad, but that should not bother me right? As long as we can remain useful our selfishness will be an advantage.

One more thing or two or three I do not know, what should I do about my eyesight grandma? Sometimes I wake up before my eyesight and I have to wait a few long  minutes before we can begin to see, it is getting worse and the prescribed glasses are no longer working. Those things you always said about calling things that be not as though they were, do you think I can also see things that be not as though they already are? Or is that an exercise reserved only for the mouth and heart. I want to know what to do with my eyesight as soon as possible.

A limp. Insomnia. A bent tooth. Those are some of the things I have experienced in this past month, a lot of discomfort, is there any way I can make more room for you? Let us know nnem. 

We miss you, dearly.